Birthday

Today is Ryan’s birthday and I miss him.

Time goes by so fast. I can’t believe that it was 25 years ago today. Here is how I remember it………..

April 1980 Amarillo, Texas

Ryan was born on April 28, 1980 in Amarillo, Texas. The due date for his birth was April 25. I’ll never forget that week. I had been working for Procter & Gamble for just over two years and had been pushing my boss for a promotion. As luck would have it, I received a phone call on the evening of April 23 from the “big” boss asking (telling) me to catch the first flight to Dallas the next day. I told Mr. Big that our son was due to make his appearance any time and that it might not be a big idea for me to travel overnight. His response was, “these things (baby’s arrivals) never happen on time so, you should come on to Dallas.” I did. On the afternoon of the 24^th, Terri went to the doctor and he wanted her to go on over to the hospital because she was about ready to deliver. He was ready to go ahead and give her the boost that she needed to deliver. Terri told him that I was out of town and that I wouldn’t be back until the next day so, he suggested that she stay at home until I was able to get back.

While I was in Dallas, I did get the promotion that I had been wanting but it didn’t feel as good as it should have because I was so worried about being gone. My friends Eddy, Joe, & David made sure that Terri was OK and I made it home on the 25^th – still no Ryan. Over the weekend, we counted the minutes and the hours; we tried to walk that baby out, nothing! Finally, on Sunday night – the 27^th we decided to have dinner at Gardski’s so Terri could have her favorite pregnancy food (nachos with extra peppers) and I could have a burger. I think that the Nacho’s did the trick because, sometime around 3 AM Terri informed me that it was time to make the trip to the hospital.

A Son is Born!

Just like we were in the movies, we were stopped for speeding on the way to the hospital – no ticket given. We were able to call the folks in Borger and they arrived a couple of hours before the most beautiful child I had ever seen was born. I am still amazed with the instant and overwhelming love that happens when you first see, hear, and touch your own child. I am truly blessed to have experienced this on three occasions.

I think that we had finally agreed on a boys name while we were in the labor room. Ryan Marcus was it. We both knew that the name was a fit. My son looked just like a “Ryan Marcus”. We would call him Ryan.

Ryan was an instant hit with the grandparents. Norma couldn’t believe that she had a grandson. She had wanted a grandson so badly that she was afraid to mention it lest she “jinx” the whole deal. I’ll never forget her running up the hall in the hospital yelling, “we got us a boy! we got us a boy!” Morris was so proud that he could hardly speak. Mom & Dad were just as happy and tried to burn the phone lines up letting their friends in on their news.

In Hondo

Last Thursday I was able to travel to Honduras for a few days of planning for the upcoming summer mission. It is always eye-opening to go back to the communities where we have worked and made friends. It is even more eye-opening to go to new places and find out that the place that you previously thought was the poorest possible –really wasn’t.

Last week we went to a place called Nuevo Oriental. Nuevo Oriental is on the road to Zamarano –about 10 km outside of Tegucigalpa. It is a fairly new piece of squatter land that the government has started parceling out to the very poorest of the poor. There are about 200 families in the community and more coming every day. If you have never seen a group of people with absolutely nothing, then you have never been to a place like Nuevo Oriental. It cannot be described………….

Planning and working with Tim & Joe was great. These men had the faith to leave the comforts of the USA for a land where many people would feel rich to have a chance to eat our left-over food….Even the food that we throw our every day would be a luxury in the eyes of the poor in Nuevo Oriental. I am blessed that God introduced me to both of these men and to their families too.

Terri has the current headcount for the July TORCH mission at 156. WOW! I should probably stop the number here but, I just can’t say no to someone that is willing to come with me to do the work that I love. We have big plans and a lot of work ahead. I believe that this team that I am working with will be amazing. I just keep praying that we will have the resources that we will need to do what God has planned for us to do. That is pretty silly – especially since our God doesn’t plan anything without providing the means to get it done.

One big project that I worked on this weekend was a land purchase for TORCH, Mi Esperanza, and the IRC. The land is in a community called Santa Anna. S.A. is really beautiful – really peaceful & calm. On Sunday morning we finally concluded that the land purchase was what we should do. We were in several different places on Sunday but, every where we were we (Tim, Joe, & I) were dreaming about the possibilities that could be realities with the land. A permanent clinic, a new church building for the community, a children’s home, houses for the poor, a park, fresh water for the community, a place for TORCH dorms, and much more.

The one thing that I have talked to all of the board about is the fact that this permanent purchase will mean that we will all be required to step it up to the next level. I am ready!

Daddy, I hit a pole

Today Nicole called and left a message on my cell phone to “please call me as soon as you get this message”. I called her about an hour later and the first question out of my mouth was – did you wreck the car. “Yes daddy, I hit a pole. But, you see, it was where I couldn’t see it and it was on the passenger side of my car and I’m sorry”.

I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t a comfort. I was grumpy and Nicole cried.

This is exactly what Nicole was afraid of and I guess I met her expectations. I wish that I would have surprised her and treated her like our Heavenly Father treats us whenever we mess up and tell him about it. We have a father that promises comfort whenever we go to him - and he never fails us. Our Father listens to our problems, He offers immediate forgiveness whenever we mess up, and then he forgets about what we did (as far as the east is from the west). He will never bring it up again. All he sees are perfect (perfectly forgiven) children.

I will pray that I am able to treat my own children with the same listening ears, the same comforting words, and the same immediate forgiveness that my God promised me.

Never Alone

I have been away from the comfort of being with my family for about two weeks and I am really ready to be home. Home, in my bed, eating my food, being with my wife, watching more than one English speaking channel, home & comfortable. I want to be home and not alone anymore. I miss my home! I miss hugs and being touched. I miss having someone to talk to at night – someone to laugh at my stupid jokes….someone to hold me and tell me that they love me. ( the phone is good but it’s not the same)

When I wake up in the morning it will be Friday in Seoul and then I can say “tomorrow I get to go home”. I’m ready!

I don’t know how people traveled without the convenience of modern communication. I have a VOIP program on my computer and can call the USA for 2 cents/min. and I’ve used about $10 of time so far. I have email and a rented cell phone. All this and I still feel alone because I can’t reach out and touch the ones that I love.

I can’t imagine growing old and being alone. Even worse, I can’t imagine dying alone. I can’t imagine the feelings that Jesus must have had when all of his friends abandoned him in the garden and left him alone. He was completely alone to face the torture and the cross. Even his father couldn’t even bear to watch. Jesus was alone and he knew all along that this was the way that it was going to be. It is amazing to me that he didn’t call down the army of angels and wipe out every living creature. He didn’t! He died and he rose and he lives. Even more amazing is that he loves me. He knows my name and he listens whenever I speak to him. I really like the song that says “amazing love, how can it be that you my God would die for me…..”

He promised that through him, we would never be alone!

Sunday Lost

Sunday's are my favorite day of the week. I am usually up early with a cup of Honduran coffee and the newspaper. I am often teaching a class so I also spend quiet time reflecting on the lesson and discussion. I get to spend time with friends and other believers in study, prayer, praise, communion, & fellowship. We have a great small group at our house every Sunday night. Terri & I eat out after Sunday morning services & spend the day together. I get to take a nap. Sunday's are great!
Yesterday I completely lost my Sunday.
Terri & I got up at about 4:30 on Saturday to travel - she to Mississippi & me to Japan.
I departed the USA from Chicago at 11:00 AM (Saturday) and arrived in Tokyo at 3:00 PM on Sunday. Gathering luggage, clearing customs, finding the right bus, finding out that the bus won't take US$ and missing it to go to the money exchange, catching the next bus - I finally arrived at my hotel at about 5:30. I was in bed at 6:00 so I completely missed Sunday. Poof.........gone....
.
(It is now 3:00 AM on Monday in Tokyo. The USA standard coffee pot in the hotel room is a tea pot and the nearest Starbucks doesn't open for 4 more hours.)

Missing Sunday is more than just a day gone. It is the first day of the week It is our God's first fruit of the week...made for us to spend with him. Our God was so wise whenever he set aside a day of the week to worship and rest. A day to reflect on our blessings and share them with others..to remember sacrifice of Jesus and celebrate the fact that HE LIVES!
Our God is good.......All the time!
(ps: please pray for my family this week)

March 12

March 12^th is coming around again.

For most of my life there wasn’t anything significant about March 12^th – in 1976, it became the day before my marriage to my best friend but, the 13^th was the special day. All this changed five years ago when our firstborn son was in a terrible accident and lost his life.

Ryan was 19 – almost 20.

He was just coming into his own. He was making a beautiful transition from the tough teen years into becoming a fine man.

I ache every day with missing Ryan. Nobody – nobody that hasn’t lost a child can know that hole in your heart emptiness of missing your baby.

I thank my God for his promise of an eternity together and for my faith that the next time I see Ryan, it will be forever. God is good…all the time and I know that my life was blessed because of the time that I was given with my son.

Thank you God for sons.

Because of your son, I can spend forever with my son. Because of your son I can see through the darkness and stand in the light. Because of your son, I have a hope and a promise that my tears will be wiped away and that happiness will never stop. Because of your son, I can rejoice in you always – I can get though any suffering and feel your comforting arms around me. Because of your son, life has meaning.

Thank you God for sons.

The Noise Never Stops

This week I was in NYC for a couple of days and my hotel was directly across the highway from La Guardia Airport. My first night in the hotel was pretty lousy. Between the non-stop traffic on the highway and the jet engines, there was just way too much noise to get a good night of sleep. No surprise here, no matter where you stay in NYC – it is noisy. My second night was better – not because there was less noise, I was just more accustomed to it. If I were to stay in the city for a week, I would hardly notice the noise.

A lot of things in life are this way – aren’t they?

We walk past the poor & homeless in our very own communities so often that we may have even forgotten that they are real. A couple of years ago I was able to build a house in Honduras with the American Airlines people that live and work in Tegucigalpa and was amazed to find out that they had never seen the poor communities where TORCH works. In retrospect, I had to ask myself when I had been to the poor parts of my own community to be the hands of Jesus. I am guilty of tuning out the noise of the needs that are right here in front of me. The noise never stops, we just don’t listen.

We are around many of the same people every day and we know that they are lost without Jesus in their lives. Yet, we’ve tuned out the noise and are completely comfortable letting day after day go by without sharing the very thing that they most need in their lives. It is a lot easier to sleep at night when you aren’t bothered by the noise….even if it is still there and just choose to tune it out………..The noise never stops.

Come With Me

I just read a mission update from a new team in Costa Rica. I think that there are 5 guys that just graduated from Baxter on the team - several of them have wives and at least one has children. What is amazing - shouldn't be, but it is - is that this team left for their planned mission with very little of their funding in place. As a matter of fact, only one team member has support. The rest of the team has complete faith that God wants them in Costa Rica and that He will provide for their needs.
There is another team in training that faces a similar trial. There are 5 guys and their families that will be moving to Mexico this summer and as far as I know, only one member of that team has support in place. Right now these 5 guys are training together - as a team in Los Pinos (Honduras) and they will be working with TORCH teams throughout the summer. We will be blessed by working with them.
These 10 men and their families remind me of the apostiles that Jesus called from their boats. Jesus said come with me and I will make you a brand new kind of fisherman. From now on you will fish for men! The only thing that my Bible indicates is that these guys dropped what they were doing and they went with Jesus. It doesn't look like they tried to hold off on their calling until they had financial support or even to go home to tell the family goodby. Jesus said come with me - and they went.
There is at least one other example of Jesus telling someone "come with me". This sad story is about a young man that had much. Jesus told him to sell his STUFF, give the money to the poor. and "come with me" . ...sadly the young man couldn't do it. Jesus called and the rich guy said "no thanks - I just can't do it".
COME WITH ME.............come with me..........come with me

Six Months To Wait

Anybody that knows me will know that I love TORCH Missions. I love putting a team together, seeing the excitement build, working to raise the funds, talking to people about the work, ...every thing about it. I love it! My life is completely changed because God introduced me to this work. The only problem with me being in love with service is that there is a 50 week wait between missions. That's way too long. Here we are in February and we still have 6 months to go before we take the team to Honduras to work for 2 weeks and then wait another 50 weeks to go again. I can't wait. It's application time and this years team is the most excited of any that I have ever been involved with. I am getting no less than 5 to 8 phone calls or emails every day from our team. They are all just as ready as I am.
I truly believe that our God has some very special plans for the work this summer.....otherwise, he wouldn't have called so many people to join the work........I can't wait!

Fishing

Went fishing with my son on Saturday. The very best day you can have with your son is when you are on the river together. It really doesn't matter if the fish are willing to be caught or not. It is just one of those times when there are no distractions, no phones, and nothing to get in the way of just being together. ...nothing better.
Saturday reminded me of how important it is to make the most of our short time here. It made me certain that I do a lot of things that really aren't very worthwhile and have them confused with things that are really important.

My New Place

Well, I guess that I'm moving into the 21st century with the introduction of my own blog. All my friends are blogging and I'm not sure if I am doing this because I don't want to be left behind or if I want to have a place to think out loud. I'm leaning toward the thinking out loud thing.
Today on the way to work, I had a conversation with my friend Gayle and we talked about prayer and giving. I like both but, whenever I really access where I am with both, I feel inadequate. The past few months I've been reading the Old Testiment and there is a theme surrounding our gifts and the desire of our God that they are first fruits.... the best we have to offer. All this makes me think about the blog that my friend Tim wrote on this very subject....have I ever really given the best that I have? I know in my heart that this means completely giving myself....100%....
It's no wonder that Jesus said that the path to heaven is narrow. It's not because our God has made it difficult, it's because we simply refuse to give all of ourselves and turn our lives over to him.....completely. Why? Jesus even promised that he woud never leave us alone. His great promise is that his Spirit will guide us.
Wow!